


A Love that Fights

by xychedelics



Category: Amar a Muerte (TV)
Genre: F/F, Fluff and Angst, Luceva - Freeform, My own twist on Eva being a badass bitch
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-02
Updated: 2019-05-02
Packaged: 2020-02-04 11:11:05
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,496
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18603349
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/xychedelics/pseuds/xychedelics
Summary: Another offshoot Luceva one-shot from "To the Ends of the Earth," Juliantina Childhood Sweethearts AU which picks up from the events in Chapter 12/13.This takes place after Eva has been outed to Leon and she returns to New York to be with Lucía. However, not everything she had hoped for goes as planned and she ends up fending for herself, not ready for a life of hardships. Disowned, penniless and loveless, she watches her life fall apart little by little.But Eva is a fighter and she gets back up because she a badass bitch :)





	A Love that Fights

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [To the Ends of the Earth](https://archiveofourown.org/works/17577593) by [xychedelics](https://archiveofourown.org/users/xychedelics/pseuds/xychedelics). 



> I'm choosing to write the Luceva oneshots as separate pieces from the main body of the fic "To the Ends of the Earth" so it won't detract the focus away from Juliantina too much. These are actually optional to read when you think about it but I still highly recommend reading it to add depth to the narrative and understand further how all their lives intersect and why these figures are significant in the life and love Juliana and Valentina. They become pivotal figures in Juliana and Valentina's transformation-- and their strength and wisdom has to come from somewhere. And this explains part of it in detail. :)
> 
> I loved Eva's and Lucía's characters in Amar a Muerte that's why I want to give them depth in this fic. I'm just really extra, ok? Like I say: it ain't gay if it ain't extra XD

**22 June 2012**  
_New York, USA_

Love is knowing which battles are worth staying and fighting for. For Eva, she believed her love for Lucía was exactly that-- a love worth fighting for, a love that fights.

With a heavy heart, Eva quickly went away from Mexico on the summer of 2012 after her father found out about her relationship with Lucía. He had firmly spoken about disowning her-- and perhaps he had said the hurtful things he did in the height of his emotions. Eva was angry that she never had the chance to explain herself, to explain what having Lucía in her life meant to her. But she was also aware that whatever she might have said would not have been enough to convince her father that there was nothing wrong with where her attractions lay. Part of her died that day-- the Eva Carvajal that her father adored and prided, the Carvajals' golden girl. But another part of her was bursting with new life; she could live as she wished. She did not have to hold her breath and brace herself for the worse. The worst was over.

Or so she thought.

Eva had a strong personality. She herself has always known that. But now she had to be stronger than ever. She remembered Juliana telling her: "I think it's brave of you, to live your truth." Eva appeared to be brave to the younger lady-- and for whatever reason that may be, Eva badly wanted Juliana's words to be true. Eva was not one to show emotions. That was what she thought bravery meant. Any hint of tenderness, any indication that there was a softness to her, that was the side of her that she was afraid to reveal to the world. She did not want to appear to be vulnerable. She did not want to look like she needed help-- or god forbid, she would get to the point of asking for help. Displaying any bit of weakness would mean that there might be people taking advantage of her. That was why Eva was always had her guard up, dubious and suspicious of people. And perhaps that was why it would seem like an honor if one were part of her trusted few. 

As the plane taxied to the runway in New York, the skies were covered in gloom as if it were lamenting with Eva. The tarmac was sleek with rain which made the landing quite uneasy. It seemed to forebode her life's journey. When she saw Lucía waiting for her anxiously at the exits of the JFK airport, Eva could not hold her tears back. She mindlessly dropped her bags on the ground and let herself be enveloped in the warmth of the person she called her love, whom she chose to call her home now. All the emotions that Eva was afraid to reveal was all out in the open. Her sadness and tenderness was plastered like a billboard for the public to see. But at that moment, she did not have an ounce of care anymore. She was trying too hard to hold it in all these years. Finally, it felt good to be weak, to be this vulnerable, to just be.

Lucía was very aware of this side of Eva-- the one that dared to shield her softness from the toughness in the world. The blonde cupped her lover’s face in her delicate hands and gently whispered, “You don’t have to be alone as long as I’m here.” She held back her own tears knowing that one of them had to be the rock for the other. Someone had to be strong for the both of them for now. “You’re home, _mami._ ”

It was two in the morning when Lucía awoke and noticed that Eva was not lying by her side. She arose from the bed and found the brunette sitting by the nook of their living space staring blankly out the window. The warm glow of the city lights emanating from the outside made her skin and her hair seem like they were the color of fire. Of ire. She had a glass of whiskey with a half-melted ice cube bobbing on the surface cupped securely in her hands. Lucía had no idea how long Eva had been drinking that night and how much she had consumed. The blonde took the beverage away from her hands and set it aside. Eva refused to meet her lover's eyes, her look still seemed distant.

“I don’t know what I’m going to do when you leave.” Eva exhaled in one breath.

“You know I’m not going to do that.” Lucía spoke her reassurance, that she would be steadfast with her in these trying times. Calling it quits was not an option.

Eva began once more, “What I mean is… you’re leaving for Italy, for your year abroad. " She slurred her words. It was apparent that she had consumed enough to get her to strip down to this type of vulnerability and helplessness. "I know I don’t have the right to tell you to stay… even if that’s what I need you to do but not what I want you to do. You have your dreams and I have mine.” 

The brunette still spoke with some sense even if she was under the influence of alcohol. Lucía had been accepted to do an exchange program in Italy for the school year. It was what she was working hard for all semester long.  Lucía did not know how to respond to what her girlfriend said because that was what she was also actually thinking. They were at a stalemate. She knew that Eva needed her now more than ever because she chose her over her family. It was added pressure on Lucía's end to follow through with Eva's actions. She had to be there for her love.

Lucía reached for Eva's hand to clasp on hers. The blonde usually had a calming effect on Eva like no one else did. Her presence, her words, and her touch always made her feel all right and that things would be all right if they were not for now. But at that time, as Lucía moved Eva's head on her bosom, her touch and her words fell short. It was as if it was not enough to convince her that things would be fine, that she would find the silver lining in the difficult circumstance that she was hurled into. Eva needed to hear Lucía say that it would be difficult, but they would find a way to work it out. She needed to know it. 

 _No one needs to know_. Eva's voice echoed inside Lucía head whenever she did not want to be denied anymore. But now that the world knew, now that she was not denied anymore, the blonde was not ready for these consequences.

 

* * *

 

A week before the official start of the semester, Eva went with Lucía to the airport for her departure. She watched her walk away, along with four other students who were headed to Italy for a year abroad. Before heading to the boarding gates, Lucía looked back at Eva one last time, committing to memory what her love looked like before she would be far from her for a significant amount of time. Eva smiled at her love through glassy eyes, and Lucía mimicked the same. She knew Eva did not want her to leave. Part of her wanted to run back to her arms because he did not want to see her hurt even more. Lucía felt like she was letting her love down. 

In the months following Lucía's departure, Eva was not just growing impatient with the blonde but with herself. It hurt Eva that the person she needed the most when the rest of her family had turned their back against her was not around. She longed for her touch and reassuring words to keep her head above water when she felt like she was drowning in her own thoughts. With the distance, they did not have enough communication. And in the rare times that they did, they only fought. They had a time difference to deal with and they were both busy with their final year in university. It only added fuel to the fire when Eva was already stressed out juggling her internship-- as usual, she was putting pressure on herself to do her best so she would be hired once she graduated. She also needed to learn how to manage her finances. It was a new world for her; she had never worked a day in her life and never had to worry about money. But now she did. She had to. Going back to Mexico and pleading for her sanity was not an option for her. 

By the beginning of winter, Lucía had gotten cold much like the season turned out to be. Her calls dwindled and it was because she was tired most of the time, and she was tired of constantly arguing with Eva. They no longer had time for each other. Eva felt like she was in the brink of a mental breakdown for most of the time. On nights when her thoughts got the best of her, she began think that the person that she chose, that Lucía was not worth choosing over for her own family. But she knew in that moment, she would not have chosen any other way. There must be some meaning to all of these hardships, she thought to herself.

Eva would wake up in the middle of the night to find that Lucía was not beside her. A cold, barren space replaced where her lover used to lay beside her in her every waking moment. But not having anyone to hold on to, to let her know that everything would be all right, was taking a toll on her. She no longer had her family. Her love was away from her. And the friends she had, she had never grown to trust them yet. Eva had never felt so alone in the world. She thought she fought her own family for someone who did not fully have her heart at her best interest.

Eva could not get any sleep so she mindlessly called Lucía. It was morning in Italy so Lucía picked up immediately. It was the same recurring conversation-- no, argument with both of them. Lucía had had enough of it. It was like a broken record playing, skipping, repeating over and over again. She tried to be patient with Eva, breathing deeply whenever she heard her on the other line pining for her, wanting to reassure her of the things she herself was not sure of.

“Eva, even if I wanted to… and you know how much I want to. I can’t always be there when you’re falling apart. At least physically.” The blonde spoke firmly in a hushed tone as she left the company of her roommates feasting happily on their breakfast. Lucía moved outside so no one could hear her. "What else do you want me to say? What else do you need to hear from me? I don't know what else to do with you,  _mami."_

Lucía was only met with a deafening silence on the other end. She could faintly hear Eva's breathing and that was it. She waited for her to speak. Anything, anything at all.

“Life is difficult, but love doesn't have to be.” Eva spoke and pursed her lips trying to hold in her tears. It occurred to her that she might have to break things off with Lucía now. She had been ruminating it over for weeks now. And she thought this might be the time for it. 

"What does that have to mean?" The blonde scrunched her eyebrows together in consternation. She was met with the same agonizing pause, as if Eva was preparing herself for the words she was going to speak.

Eva felt light-headed, as if her whole world was spinning around. She felt a cold chill run up her spine as she said, “Give me a good reason to stay, Lucía.”

"What? This conversation again? Eva, we've gone through this a hundred times!" The blonde slouched on the wall and shook her head. "Just please wait for me to be back. It's just for a few more months."

"Come home for the holidays then."

"I can't. You know I'll be with family." Lucía was aware that Eva did not have the money to fly to Europe. Even though she did not say it, she knew it. The blonde knew Eva's personality. She would be to proud to accept her offer for her to fly her to Europe and back to the US. But moreso, she would be reminded of her own family, of how she would not be spending it with hers if she saw Lucía happy with her. Eva knew not to overstep her boundaries. Asking Lucía to forego time with her family was not an option.

The two stayed in awkward pauses. It occurred to Lucía that this might be it. This might be goodbye for both of them when Eva gave her words sparsely. This was not the Eva she knew who sputtered her thoughts and feelings like machine gun bullets in the height of her emotions. Lucía surmised that she was picking her words ever so carefully-- and this, this was another side of her. The blonde felt like her heart rose up to her throat and she would suffocate from the strong pulsations of it.

It was now or never. Lucía had to find a way to convince Eva that she was willing to put up a fight for her. “Well, you want a reason?" Her voice was shaking and she took a deep breath to take off some of her nerves. But it was not useful. Her tears were out before her words were. "Because I love you. And I don't know how many times more I have to say it for you to really believe me. But I do.” The blonde wiped her tears with the back of her hand. She sniffed and swallowed hard. "I've never loved anyone like you." 

Eva felt the same. Her heart wanted Lucía, wanted her more than life itself, but this time around, she let her mind decide. She could bear the pain, but the real question was how long? How much more can she take waiting, pining, aching in loneliness for her life and her love to get back on track. Because at the end of the day, was love ever enough to stay? Eva wanted to convince herself that it was enough. That this love-- a love that fights, was enough. But it was not. There must be something more to love than being just worth the fight.

 

* * *

 

Eva and Lucía broke up a week before the holidays had begun. Eva was all alone in the holidays with no place to go. Her pride kept her from living in the apartment that she and Lucía shared although the blonde insisted for her to stay while she was not back in New York. But everything about the place reminded her of Lucía. It was a place they built together, but now they were apart.

Eva used what she had managed to salvage in her funds as payment for her senior year tuition. The remainder was used as a downpayment for a room that she had to share with two other girls. The things that Eva thought she would never do in her life, now she had to suck it up. She worked two part-time jobs-- as a server at her friend’s bistro in Harlem and as a tutor for primary school kids. Eva learned how to budget her expenses and make a time table. She tried juggling all of it while also doing her internship at the office of New York’s junior Senator who was Latina just like her. She had to stand up on her own feet. She had to stand out. There was no question that she had to finish her studies in university even if it meant that she had to crawl and claw her way out of the dirt and lose sleep for her to make a name for herself. She was exhausted most days, not having much sleep and not having time to eat. She saw these as tiny sacrifices for things bigger than her. She had to survive and needed to thrive for her dreams.

Eva was surprised when she got a call from her father telling her that she needed to come home for her sister's birthday weekend because Valentina had asked for her. She would have said no if it were solely her father asking her to come back. But it was Valentina. She loved her sister dearly and she could never say no to her. When she arrived in the airport, a driver picked her up and drove her to the hotel where she had a suite. She knew her father would not let her stay in their house. She was swept with a calming feeling every time she came home. But it was different this time around. She was riddled with anxiety and distress. She took it upon herself to buy Valentina’s favorite cake when the driver took her to the Carvajal mansion in Mexico City. Eva bought Valentina a gift when she was in New York. There was something satisfying about giving a gift to her sister that was from the money she earned herself. It made her a smile a bit. It was a simple thing, but it was enough to make her feel like she could and would survive this ordeal. When she was back home in Mexico, she did not say a word about her graduation or her intention to stay in the US. When Eva stared at her sister long enough, she could see and feel that she was not in a good place too. When Eva tried to reach out to her, Valentina brushed things off, as if she were uncertain why she herself was confused with how she felt. But Eva had an idea of what was causing it. It pained her that what she had caused had deeply affected her sister. But how could she make things better for Valentina when she herself was stuck in a rut?  

Before her graduation, the senator offered Eva a spot to be a full-time staff member at her office. Knowing that she did not have work waiting for her in Mexico and this was what she was hoping for, she accepted it. “I see myself in you. You’re a fighter, Eva.” The senator had said to her after she knew what had happened to Eva in the previous year. 

The months after her breakup with Lucía had given Eva a clearer perspective of what had happened between her and her former love. They were both stressed out and they took it out on each other. Especially on her side when the whole world felt like it was crumbling all around her. She caved in to her darker thoughts-- but she had to forgive herself. What had gone, had gone. It was irreversible. Even if a fragment of her still loved Lucía, there was no use going back now. But whenever she thought about her former lover, it still pained her. She knew she had to be patient with herself. But one thing that she realized as she refused to be dwindled by her cicumstance was that she had it wrong all this time; she did not choose Lucía over her family. Instead she chose herself, her truest self over Lucía and over her family. It sounded ridiculously selfish, she thought to herself. Perhaps the universe had a reason why all of that had to happen-- why she and Lucía were not meant to be for that moment, were not strong enough to fight for their love. Why she had to fight like hell for her life on her own.

 

* * *

 

It was a summer day but Columbia University's graduation day was unfortunately set on a day when the overcast skies threatened for rain. Lucía came back to New York just to attend her graduation. She was going to graduate in the same year as Eva. She would be finishing her master’s and Eva, her bachelor’s degree. Eva graduated with academic honors, as was expected.

_Evangelina Carvajal Pineda_

They announced her name on stage.

_Carvajal_

Lucía wondered if Eva still had some feeling of disdain hearing her name, that she no longer associated herself with that identity. The blonde watched her former love march up the stage with pride and joy although she looked different-- skinnier, her cheekbones and jawline more discernible, and her eyes were set deep. It had only been months when they had broken up. Her appearance changed drastically but she was still beautiful to her nonetheless. Eva did not have her family with her during her graduation-- no Valentina, no Guillermo, and most especially, her father was not present. Lucía felt bad for her ex. She did not know whether she should approach her, extend her congratulations. But when the crowd dispersed and the graduates went on their respective companies, a group of women surprisingly approached Eva. They gave her a bouquet of flowers and warm hugs. One of them happened to be the junior senator of New York. One of their mutual friends had accidentally mentioned Eva in one of their conversations-- on how she would be working for the senator now. The senator was Latina just like Eva. Lucía knew that Eva looked up to her-- and this was an absolute dream come true for her. It then occurred to the blonde that these women surrounding Eva were the people she called family now. Eva had a found family.

Lucía’s heart sunk seeing her former love. It was a bittersweet moment for her. She took a deep breath and sighed. She was happy for her, she wanted to congratulate her, tell her how proud of her she was, give her a hug at least but at the same time, she thought that there was no point in doing so. Eva looked so happy without her-- and if that was the case, she would be happy for her too.

Eva had noticed Lucía but had avoided meeting her former flame’s gaze numerous times. It still ached from within when she caught glimpses of her. Eva thought she was over her-- she was not. But as fate would have it, they would learn to live separately, to live without the other. Lucía would move back to Europe to pursue a career in the arts and Eva would to stay in the US for a career in civic engagement.

Before entering the car with her own family, Lucía looked back at Eva one last time, one good look before it would be a goodbye for good. The brunette unexpectedly held her gaze. She acknowledged Lucía with a nod and a small smile. The blonde felt a warmth rising up in her chest. The car sped through and Lucía's eyes remained fixated on Eva untl she was gone from her sight.

And that was the last time they ever saw each other.

 

* * *

 

**8 August 2014  
_Washington DC, USA_**

On Eva's day off, some of her colleagues brought her to Meridian Hill Park in Washington DC to explore the local sights and sounds of the city. It was her first time being in DC that was why her colleagues were kind enough to take her around the city. Plus, she was the youngest in their group and they wanted to look after her. They had a potluck brunch in the park, sat on the grass, and shared laughs and stories together. It felt nice to talk about their lives instead of the work they were doing for once.

Among the people in the park, Eva caught a glimpse of a lesbian couple. One of them was lying on the other's lap and her hair being gently caressed before they shared a kiss. Eva smiled to herself and remembered Lucía. For that moment, she wondered why there was no pain, no regret, and no animosity in what she felt for her former lover when she called her back to memory. It was in this moment that Eva knew she had finally gotten over her.

"Love changes you for the better. If it doesn't, it wasn't love in the first place." Eva called to mind Juliana's wise words. For a great deal after their breakup, she was convincing herself that what she and Lucía had was not love-- because it was a love that failed. Realizing how much the year had changed her and how she was coming to fully embrace who she was, love definitely changed her for the better. She made peace with the fact that she had loved Lucía and finally accepted that they were not meant to be for each other. If she ever met with Lucía in the future again, she would be nothing but grateful to her-- for pushing her out of her comfort zone, for being the beacon into accepting herself, for being the support she needed when there was no one there for her, for helping her grow-- grow in love and even in pain.

Eva's group spotted the drum circle in the park and excitedly dragged Eva with them to join in on the fun and dance. As Eva twirled and swayed her hips to the beat of the drum, she felt at home. The sounds made her remember home, made her remember Mexico. They formed a circle and held hands in merriment. She strayed from her group for a moment and watched them bask in on the fun and laughter. Her eyes mimicked the color of the clear blue skies of the summer afternoon.  In this moment in time, she knew that the universe would always find a way to make things right if only one had the courage to pursue what her heart desired. She had found a corner in the world where she was meant to be. She finally understood that being brave did not mean having a tough facade to display to the world. Bravery meant letting people in, embracing the vulnerability from within. She gazed at her new found family with a smile on her lips. The sun shone on her face-- the warmth, the radiance of it, made her feel like all the hell she went through was worth it-- that this type of love, the one where she chose herself time and again, the one where she embraced her vulnerability, was absolutely worth the fight. Her heart was filled with nothing but joy, gratefulness, and love.

The sun would always, always shine again.


End file.
